People, this season be cray. Cray cray. (That’s some sort of slang for “crazy,” or so my Facebook and Twitter feeds tell me.) In February, the Brewcity Bruisers set an attendance record by bringing in over 3200 fans to the US Cellular Arena, and March’s bout may have matched, or even surpassed that! One thing is certain—the fans have been loud and rowdy, and that is awesome. Bob Noxious and I were especially charmed by the, let’s say, well-hydrated folks loudly yelling unprintable invectives at the Crazy 8s—the team they were cheering for! We admire your pluck, animated ninja fans! And we mean that unironically! (Seriously, the audience was next level on March 10th—engaged, excited, and loud as hell. We raise our beers to you, Milwaukee!)

And there was a lot to make noise for, as all three bouts (Shevils/Rolettes, 8s/Maidens, and the MicroBruiser junior derby scrimmage!) were intense nail-biters that had the Cell rocking like Motley Crue was in the building and Tommy Lee was about to drum upside down or something. Full seats were paid for, but only the edges were necessary!

Bout 1: Shevil Knevils 55, Rushin’ Rollettes 54

In the storied 6-year history of the Shevils/Rollettes rivalry, contests between the two teams were decided by one point on three separate occasions. So why not go for four, right? The stakes were high: two winless teams looking to get off the schnide and not have to face what would be, after tonight, the league’s sole remaining undefeated team in next month’s semifinals. The two teams traded a pair of 4-0 jams to start off what developed into a low-scoring slugfest. The Shevils managed to shut out six Rollette jammers, including Mother Tucker, High D Voltage, and Irish Vixen, while chipping their way to an early 18-4 lead. However, Grace Killy was sent to the penalty box with a major track cut while wearing the Shevils’ star, enabling Rhoda Ruin to erase the lead in one 16-point power jam. Just like that, it was 20-16 Rollettes and it was on. However, the Rollettes piled on the minor penalties and dealt with Shevil jammers that were outmaneuvering them through the pack. A 9-0 Moby Nipps run (to say nothing of the fact that Shevil jammers took lead status nearly 70% of the first half) helped cement a 35-24 Shevil lead as both teams cleared the track for the Beerleader halftime show.

For the first half of the second period, the Rollettes matched the Shevils point-for-point, which, of course, is no way to erase a lead. The Shevils seemed content to let their camo-and-red counterparts keep pace with them, as every second that ticked away inched them closer to their first win. What the Shevils didn’t plan on, though, was standout second-year jammer Bloody Cupcake getting skunked by T-Lo to the tune of a sudden 14-0 jam that put the Rollettes back in the lead! Suddenly the Rollette fans immediately behind Bob and me erupted with excitement, as there were a mere three minutes to go in the bout! The Shevils said “nuts to this” and pulled out all the stops by unleashing Red No. 5, Skittle, who almost with cavalier ease cruised to 6 quick points while the Rollettes’ Mini Menace was abused by the Shevil blockers. Suddenly the Shevils had a one point lead going into the final jam, during which T. Wrecks and Moby Nips skated to a 3-3 standstill and a 55-54 Shevils victory. Ridonkulous.  

Bout 2: Maiden Milwaukee 83, Crazy 8s 66

As one might expect from a pair of undefeated teams that have excelled at blocking and pack control, this was a hard-hitting slobberknocker right out of the gate, and penalties ended up telling the tale. When Crosshair took a trip to the sin bin for the Maidens thanks to a low block, the opening allowed the 8s’ Scooter to pile on 13 quick power jam points, leading to an early 22-2 ninja lead. However, the 8s gave the jammer advantage right back on the next jam as Lady Pulverizer had lots of issues, collecting a minor track cutting penalty and getting harangued behind several pink and black blockers. Meanwhile, Maiden rookie jammer Kimberrr took her first step toward officially becoming a rookie sensation, lapping Lady P twice in a 14-point jam that slashed the lead back to a more manageable 22-16. The penalty fun kept coming, as at one point both team’s jammers swapped major penalties like they were baseball cards—first Scooter back blocked, then Betty Clobber was sent to the box for a back block of her own, springing Scooter (two jammers can’t occupy penalty boxes at once, so when the second jammer commits a penalty, the first jammer is released and the second jammer serves the amount of time the first one did. Got it? There’s a test), who then promptly committed a second back block, which let Clobber back out…to cut the track and set Scooter free, who then cut the track herself. Would a Keystone Cops joke here make me look really old?

Anyway, the 8s went into the locker room at the half with a 39-28 lead, and seemed to perhaps be on the way to another steamrolling second half. HOWEVER! As Zo-Tay donned the 8s star for jam 5 of the second half, she committed two minor track cuts, sending her to the thinking chair as a result of four minor penalties (four minors = 1 major). Suddenly, the penalty-killing skills the Crazy 8s displayed all season were nowhere to be seen as Kimberrr turned the 8s into her personal rainforest, slashing and burning her way toward a huge 22-point jam and the Maidens’ first lead at 56-47 (dear Kimberrr: every day is Earth Day. Have a heart).

At that point, the 8s seemed shaken out of their usual game plan. They managed to stay mostly point-for-point with the Maidens, but eventually yet another penalty cost the ninjas the bout, as Sin N’ Innocence cut the track and took a seat as the Romaniac dropped a 14-point exclamation on what, despite the Maidens’ 2-0 2012 record, felt like a major upset. Are the Maidens on their way to a worst-to-first season like the 8s of last year?

We’ll find out more next month! April means semifinals, and the now top-seeded Maidens will entertain the Rushin’ Rollettes as the Crazy 8s clash with the Shevil Knevils. The winners meet in the championship bout in May!

1. The Brewcity Bruisers are Milwaukee’s ONLY all-female, flat track roller derby league. You’re not going to catch this kind of derby anywhere else in the Mil, folks! It’s true.

2. We’re currently in the thick of our 2012 home season. Two bouts down, two to go after this one… we’re throwin’ the smack down smack dab in the middle of our season on March 10 at the US Cellular Arena!

3. Where else can you catch your neighbor, the defense attorney, get taken down by that barista from across town? Or see your child’s second-grade teacher outskate a PR guru? Yup. We have real lives too, but on the track? It’s all derby, baby.

4. Hey… you! Why not check out these promo videos featuring fab Bruiser ladies? They’re pretty excellent. (Find them here and here!) 

5. You’re not doing anything else that could possibly be any more awesome on March 10. We promise.

Holy smokes, gang. The Cell was ROCKIN’ this month as the Brewcity Bruisers hit attendance numbers around 3200 for the first time. That’s 3200 people who were clapping along to the Beerleaders’ dance routine! 3200 people who heard returning Beerleader It Girl croon the National Anthem with 30 seconds advance notice! 3200 people including several hundred who were witnessing BCB roller derby for the first time—and who are likely to come back, based on a few post-bout conversations had between Bob Noxious, the fans behind the announcers’ table, and myself! Hot dog! So what happened during the two slam-bang bouts witnessed by the largest crowd in BCB history? Well, since I asked, I’ll tell you.

Bout 1: Crazy 8s 101, Shevil Knevils 33

The Crazy 8s continue to dance with what brought them to the Championship in 2011: pack dominance, blocking, and penalty killing. The Shevil jammers constantly found themselves clogged in a morass of black and yellow while ninja jammers were sprung free, clear, and open to do damage and call off jams before their counterparts could even manage a scoring pass. The 8s took lead jammer status in the first four jams en route to owning that prized position 62.5% of the time in the opening half, eventually building to an early 12-0 in the first seven jams. Eventually Skittle got the Shevils on the board with a 4-0 jam, but she ended up leading her team in the first half with a mere 7 points. After a fast-moving first half, the 8s were in control, 32-12, but there was plenty of time for the Shevils to rebound and make some halftime adjustments.

However, it was not to be, as half number two was more lopsided than one of those nature videos where the lion devours a gazelle. Bloody Cupcake was a lone highlight for the Shevils, nabbing lead jammer all but the last two times she jammed and racking up 14 of their 33 points, but the 8s piled on in the second half thanks to numerous multi-pass jams, doubly impressive due to the fact that precious few of those were the result of power jams. Instead, Shevil jammers became flustered as they toiled away in the ninja-controlled pack while their black and yellow jammer counterparts whizzed past, adding to the 8s’ lead. Of course, that’s not to say penalties didn’t help the ninjas’ cause; EmFatale’s 14-point run in the half’s 5^th jam was surely assisted by Becky the Butcher’s and Minnie Krush’s major blocking out of play penalties. At the end of the bout, 8s jammer ZoTay emerged with 18 points, putting her over 300 for her career, while her teammate Scooter added a whopping 31 to nearly outscore the entire Shevil roster on her way to eclipsing the 100 career point mark. When the dust settled, the Crazy 8s emerged with a devastating 68-point win, leaving many to wonder if any team can stop this juggernaut from steamrolling to a second straight Championship?

Bout 2: Maiden Milwaukee 109, Rushin’ Rollettes 58

 Then again, Maiden Milwaukee ended up sending a message to the entire league with their 51-point defeat of the formerly formidable Rollettes. That message? “Worst to first doesn’t only apply to the Crazy 8s.” While the 8s’ dominance of the pack was evident to even the greenest derby fan, the Maidens’ path to victory involved a more subtle, fundamental use of track awareness and crafty maneuverability that mirrored their working-class image. Both teams got into plenty of penalty trouble—Super Hera was sent to the box twice in one jam for the Maidens as a result of two major track cuts (not the best way to spend your time while wearing the jammer star), but the Rollettes definitely found themselves on the business end of the majority of penalty time, which clearly aided the pink and black Maiden attack in piecing together several multi-pass jams. Betty Clobber broke things open for the Maidens with a 14-point run in jam 9, taking what was an eight-point Maiden lead and turning it into a commanding 43-23 advantage. Still, even though the Maidens went into the locker room with a 56-24 lead, no one thought it was a safe lead. After all, the Rollettes have been the queens of the halftime adjustment for their entire existence—that wasn’t likely to change now, was it?

 Oh.

 Slayerah slapped down any thoughts of a second-half Rollette rally with a ridonkulous 19-point jam while HighD Voltage could only look on from where she was buried in the pack. Suddenly it was 75-28 and the Rollettes never threatened again. Sure, they had a couple bright spots, like a 9-0 run by Carrie A. Hacksaw late in the half, but they were never able to string together enough good, penalty-free jams to spark any serious comeback. The second bout of the night was well on its way into the books, setting up what is sure to be a mammoth showdown in March between the 2-0 8s and their fellow undefeated Maidens.

So on March 10, seeding for the semifinals will be determined! There won’t be any wacky fiddling around with point differentials—wins and losses will determine who faces whom in the April semis. The undefeateds will clash and the winless will face off in an attempt to get off the schnide at the other’s expense. Will the 8s continue their torrid tear, or will they run into a pink and black bulldozer? Will the Rushin’ Rollettes skid to their first ever 0-3 record, or will they claim their first victims at the expense of the Shevils? And can the US Cellular Arena top February’s attendance? Bring a friend, and let’s do it again!

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Thanks to Moosie for the great photos! And announcer extraordinaire Dr. Awkward for writing the post! Our next bout is March 10 at the U.S. Cellular Arena. First bout is 7 p.m. sharp!